A Weekend Away
by Touch of Grey
Summary: Teddy, Billy, and their annoying sidekick Tommy go to San Francisco to see Vic and the other Xmen. Hijinks follow.


"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the world-famous San Francisco boypile!"

"Shut up, Tommy."

Victor had met them at the airport (flying coach, because their sugar mama [Kate] was too busy to book tickets properly), with Jonas and a reluctant Santo in tow. Billy had shrieked in glee, doing his best impression of Tommy and completely bowling Vic over with a flying tackle of a hug, which had caused him to knock over Jonas and, in a sort of domino effect, knock Santo down as well. Teddy hadn't wanted to be left out of the fun, so he dropped down and hugged Billy's torso. Meanwhile, Tommy stood by and narrated.

It had been over six months since he and Victor had started trading emails and letters, but this was the first time they'd formally met. Still, Billy had begun to think of the reptilian mutant as his third best friend, after Teddy and Tommy. Though if his twin didn't watch his mouth, Vic would be bumped up a notch on the BFF list due to an unfortunate fatality.

"So, is it coincidence that you guys all congregate in California, or does something draw you here? I bet it's the sunny weather and lovely beaches. Like they say, Cali is a great place to have a gay old- ack!" Billy's hands had fastened themselves rather firmly around Tommy's neck, shaking him gently.

"You. Promised. That if we took you along. You'd behave. Are you gonna be nice, or are you going to spend this entire trip puking slugs? I can make you do that, you know." Tommy nodded as best as he was able, and Billy released him. "Sorry about that, guys. But hey, we're here!"

Victor grinned madly, hugging Billy again. "So yeah, welcome to California! The big idiot is Santo, enemy of all that is queer-"

"Sup."

"And my friend who is in desperate need of a tan is Jonas. You guys wanna go get settled in at your hotel, or do you want to come see where we live?"

"Hotel! Hotel! Hoteeeeeel!" Billy blatantly ignored Tommy's begging.

"We'd love to hang out with you guys, mind showing us the sights?"

There was no need for them to pick up any luggage, as all three had stuffed their clothes and essentials into backpacks for the weekend, so the six boys just headed back out to where Vic had parked the borrowed car.

"Toss your packs in and buckle up, we're gonna go see the city!"

***

"I feel highly uncomfortable back here, Victor."

Jonas was wedged between Tommy and Santo in the back seat of the jeep, while Teddy, Billy, and Vic sat up front. Vic was driving, and Billy was perched precariously on top of the middle seat/shifting column.

"Don't worry about it, Jonas! From what I hear, Tommy only bites when provoked. Or if he's hungry. Have you guys fed your speedster today?" the three in the front seat burst into laughter, while Jonas attempted to shrink in on himself.

"Oh, ha ha, you guys. Ignore them, Jo. We regular folks have to stick together, am I right?" Vic snorted. "What?"

"We're a car full of mutants, aliens, and witches. Jonas was buried alive for a couple of centuries, and he's _still_ the most normal person in the vehicle." Tommy patted Graymalkin on the shoulder.

"That's rough, dude."

Victor pointed out the window as they passed a vegetarian café. "That's where the Thorns of Society hang. They're a lesbian bike club, with bicycles, and they've all got flower names and designations. It's really fun to listen to them talk at any given time, really. A friend of mine named Harmony is part of the club. She's Lily, the Opera Lesbian." Tommy burst out laughing. "That wasn't a joke, Tommy. Heck, Paradise made Jonas and me honorary members."

The car was silent for a moment, then Teddy repeated, "Opera Lesbian? That's an actual title?" Vic nodded.

"Mmhm. Lily is the Opera Lesbian, Paradise is the Renaissance Lesbian, Violet is the Literature Lesbian, it's this whole big thing they have. It's cool."

"So what are you and Jonas?" Vic flushed a darker green.

"Um, I'm Pine and he's Oak. Because apparently, trees are manlier." Tommy snickered.

"Oh, this is going to be a great weekend. Kicking it old school with the tree-queers and the lesbians!"

"_**TOMMY, BE QUIET!**_"

***

Tommy spent the rest of the weekend pouting, as Billy had made him mute. Everyone else had a lovely time, and Victor made them promise to come back as soon as they could. Before they boarded the plane, Vic handed Billy an envelope.

"This is from Paradise, for being such a good sport about the thing with the quarters-" Billy held up a hand.

"That will never be spoken of again. Let me see..." he opened the letter, then began to laugh. "Hey, Teddy, guess what? We're officially honorary members of the Thorns of Society. I'm Elm and you're Beech, and we've been designated the Superhero Fanboy Queers." his eyes widened as he read the addendum. "And Tommy, you're Starfruit, the Closeted Queer."

Tommy opened his mouth in what was surely a howl of agony, while everyone else just laughed.

Fini

Oh my god, you have no idea how much I want to start a lesbian bicycle club called the Thorns of Society right now. This story came to me in a fit of sleepless staring into space.


End file.
